Forgiveness

Forgiveness is such a powerful action and one that isn't used nearly as much as it should be. I will be first to say I don't forgive so myself. Throughout this whole process of my health, mirena iud, hysterectomy - the one thing I lost sight was my faith. The number one thing I should've been doing was praying during this whole ordeal. Not running from God or looking for someone to blame or be angry with. I was so very very angry - with everyone including myself.
Thankfully I have recently became reconnected with my faith and it wasn't until listening to our local radio station when the song "Worn" came on and I immediately starting to cry as I felt Jesus's presence to just forgive - starting with myself with everything that has happened. I connected with Jesus and realized how wearing it was to be angry with Him because I felt He let this happen and angry with Bayer. I forgave everyone who has ever told me to get over it. Forgiveness is so powerful and once you forgive it ultimately makes you feel so much happier.  After all Jesus died for so that our sins could be FORGIVEN.
I now believe I was chosen to go through this difficult journey to educate women of MY experience of the mirena iud so they can make an educated decision for themselves.
I love my God and Jesus Christ.

Lifelong medical problems i now have to live with

Since I last wrote I've been to a specialist down at the university as a second opinion and he confirmed I will have a lifelong battle dealing with the pain and problems the mirena has left me with. There is scar tissue built up in my intestines from the perforation from the mirena going from my uterus to my intestines that will occasionally cause pain and problems as the intestines is constantly moving. There really isn't anything doctors can do  except manage the pain when it happens. Removing the scar tissue will just create more scar tissue so that's not an option. So my only option is just to live with it.

So much more than just a iud gone wrong...

I have been debating for quite some time now on updating this blog mostly due to some negative responses I have been given. I chose to update and also address those few people who tell me to "move on"....and "it was only a medical device that went wrong".

But first just a quick update...The weekend before thanksgiving I had been hospitalized for lower abdominal/pelvic pain & bleeding from my bottom without a seen cause. I went to an urgent care when one of my doctor appointments was cancelled, ended up getting sent over to the hospital ER and then admitted and talked of a transfer to the university hospital. I remember very little of that stay but from what my husband told me I was in a considerable amount of pain & my husband had a very difficult time watching me in that pain. I eventually could tolerate the pain as a few days gone by and was sent home the Tuesday before thanksgiving.

Ask me what I think - I think the mirena iud has something to do with it - however that might be. I asked the surgeon from the hospital visit to refer me to the university hospital for outpatient care to look further into it. 1st available appointment isn't until March.

Another thing is I have been going to therapy and the 1 thing that has me crying each and every session...is the mirena and how my life was and still is affected. It took so much from me, and still to this day haunts me. I cannot read my blogs or watch my youtube video without crying. I have a lot of healing not only physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. For me this is so much more than an iud gone wrong...

I have shared my story so people get a raw 1st hand experience at what is possible from the mirena. I've gotten many uplifting responds as well as many other responses including some negative ones as well. My only response to those who aren't as respectful is, I share what has happened to me. It is raw, it is very explicit in content, if the reader chooses to stop reading because of the content, I respect that. This is meant for women who want to make an educational decision on birth control methods and use my story as a failed iud story in that decision. Every women needs to make their own decisions for themselves. I respect every woman's decision and hope to have some respect sharing such a personal experience, as this is not by any means easy to share such personal and actually quite embarrassing information.

To those who have sent me negative responses, my response...I am grieving. Not only the loss of my pregnancies, but my uterus (my hysterectomy), my health and my emotional wellbeing. No one would think to tell someone who lost a child, husband, parents (and so on) get over it and move on. So why is this any different? No one has the right to tell me to move on already, not even the makers of the Mirena (Bayer). Every person grieves differently and at different lengths of time. This whole ordeal has left me with a scar. The hurt and pain will (hopefully) get less and less as time goes on, but for now, it is an emotional battle I deal with everyday. I will never forget what I have all been through. I'm lucky enough to be alive & strong enough to stand up for myself and my story.

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always." - unknown author

My Mirena IUD story & how it changed my life forever - YOUTUBE VIDEO

*please overlook spelling errors in my video. I do know they are there. I made this video the day of the anniversary of the miscarriage and was it took all I had just to get it done. Someday I will re-vamp it with errors fixed. Thank you :)

Life after hysterectomy

It's almost 4 weeks post hysterectomy. On 7/8/13 my life changed forever. I went into the hospital thinking it was going to be a little sad getting my uterus and cervix out, but overall an easy Outpatient surgery. From what I was told from my husband and Dr. Mehta, who is the DiVince robotic assisted surgon, is that the surgery itself went great. Dr. went to tell my husband I was out of surgery and while doing that the anesthesiologist was waking me up and my body went into seizure-like shock. Dr got word and before my husband could sit back down the Dr called him back and let him know what had happened. I had 4 more of these seizure-like spells and I was taken to ICU to be monitored.  My husband was informed I was in ICU and then joined me. I remember nothing of my time spent in the ICU. My husband said I had a EEG and an MRI where it was determined I did not have seizures, but rather this is how my body was dealing with pain, it literary went into shock. I continued to have seizure-like spells and I do know right before I had these spells I would feel an intense pain in my head and next thing I know I wake with a dull pain and a sense of time things not being right.

Dr. Mehta said it was good I had my uterus out because not only with my mirena issues I also had adenomyosis and endometriosis, of my uterus. Adenomyosis usually happens later in lifer after having a C-SECTION (a type of scar tissue-like abnormality in people who have had a c-section or a punctured uterus) No c-section for me, I had all my boys vaginally, the only thing that punctured my uterus was the MIRENA. So, yet another problem the mirena had given me. Also I should mention, I had neither of these conditions in my uterus prior to having the mirena.

It makes me sick to think that the mirena is still the recommended choice by Dr's for long term birth control. I am only 1 of the 1,000's of stories out there.

Update 6/17/2013 - Hysterectomy needed

I am scheduled for a hysterectomy on 7/8/13. My bleeding has gotten really bad to the point of large clots and easily soaking through everything within an hour or less during the bad times. I will get a "period" every couple of weeks, and have cramps that can double me over. I am taking ibuprofen without relief. I went in for an ultrasound a couple weeks ago and had yet another scare. The Dr asked for urine for a pregnancy test because a "sac" was in my uterus. My husband had a vasectomy and got his results of no sperm found just a few weeks before, so I knew pregnancy was next to impossible. Well I had a huge blood clot in my uterus. Dr said it's time to do something. At first I choose an ablation, but then after talking with my husband and realizing that it is possible it wouldn't work and it was just buying time for a hysterectomy, I then called the Dr to switch to a hysterectomy. Based on what the mirena did to my uterus and such I was ensured I made a good decision.

I am really scared to go through it. My dad's mom died from an infection from her hysterectomy before I was even born. I know times and medicine have come along way since then, it still rests in the back of my head. I do not want to make my husband a single dad with 4 young boys, and I don't want my boys to be raised without their mom. I also have the sentimental part of it; My 4 boys all started out there, & of course it's what makes me a woman. I'm scared of my bladder problems getting worse because I read about people needing a bladder sling after it because of leaking. I already have interstitial cystitis, so I don't want to make matters worse. I worry about the intimacy with my husband as I hear that can sometimes become an issue.

It's not what I want at this point in time, but I need it, I cannot live like I am anymore. I am limited on what I do and where I go. I have the migraines that come with every period or bleeding I get. And I'm 32. No 32 y/o should have to loose their uterus. Ever.

I hate you mirena, I believe with every heartbeat I have, that the mirena caused this, whether scientifically it is proven or not....woman's intuition - the Mirena caused all my heartache, all my pain and now it's going to cause me to loose my uterus. Something no-one can give me back. It's taking my womanhood, my childbearing organ and what my 4 boys started out as a growing life. I will never be the same after 7/8/2013.

I saw the GI dr today

I saw the GI dr today and will have a colonoscopy done on Wednesday (rescheduled because kids had norovirus) to check for further damage from the iud. I proceded to tell him my story and it seems like I shocked him...A LOT. You could tell he was processing the information as he listened to me and looked at the operative reports and pictures from the iud removal. He face was confused, shock and just dumbfounded by everything. He said our best bet right now is the colonoscopy and then if anything needs addressed then he will refer me to a surgeon. I hope it doesn't come to that. I just want this chapter closed. I will update the blog after the colonoscopy.

Colonoscopy is scheduled for Tuesday 2/12